I’m not too sure where I am right now.
I’m just standing here wondering what I want to do in life, and realise that there are so many obstacles that I have to surpass that I’m drowning in the weight of the pressure bearing down upon me. I knew this was going to happen at one point; that I would come across this brick wall and would have to face it with a determined face.
But right now I don’t feel as determined, I feel… Lazy. I don’t want to have to break down that wall to surpass it yet there is no other way. I have lost all reason to keep on fighting for my dreams and just want to curl up in bed and sleep all of my troubles away. It’s not that easy, because reality is a bitch that bites you in the ass.
Don’t get me wrong; it’s my fault that I have put myself in this position. It’s my fault that I stopped learning Chinese and losing that side of my heritage, mine that I have given up trying to do something creative everyday, and my fault for being half-assed to pay any attention to my appearance. I’m so lazy. I need to get back on my feet and onto the path that I want to conjure before me. I need to get in gear…
I need to start searching for my identity.