My Love/Hate Relationship with Myself

Some days my relationship with myself is a good one. Sometimes I love how my eyes aren’t quite that shade of blue but neither are they green; that my legs look as if they are never-ending; and that my ability to pull the most stupid faces brings a smile to my husband’s face (or maybe it’s a oh-god-she’s-doing-it-again-grimace).

On embracing your dark and light by hellolizziebee

I also love how ambitious I am, and how I can roll out of bed with fire in my veins to get things done. That I can tick off at least 3 things before my husband wakes up (because yay for productive weekends!). How I want to be the best version of myself and work damn hard to get there. That when I have an idea, I never settle, I just want to get it done right away.

Those days are the best days because the world seems like a brighter place. I have a spring in my step and that feeling that I could conquer the world, false lashes an’ all.

gyaru blogger lizzie bee

sweater: ralph lauren / skirt & boots: boohoo / belt: ma*rs / jewellery: muse

wandering old streets by hellolizziebee

But other days my relationship with myself isn’t a good one. Sometimes I’d wake up, slowly, and I already want the day to end. I’d fall down the dark hole of being exhausted by how hard I work and thinking that nothing comes out of it anyway, so what’s the point? That I’m forever trying to do my best but I will never be good enough. Those were the days where I hated my body and wanted to hide myself in my baggy pjs and never leave the comfort of my bed. My stupid eyes, my stupid facial expressions, and my stupid long legs that find trouble fitting into my jeans.

My day would be spent with my eyes glued to the phone, where my happiness is determined by numbers, which only ends in sadness.

Those days aren’t so great and the world seems like a darker place. I drag my feet with such effort that I question why I even left my bed.

wandering around town on a cold autumn day zebra print skirt and outfit details by hellolizziebee zebra print autumn outfit by hellolizziebee

Fortunately, I don’t get many of those bad days. Sure, they’ve been happening a lot more recently, but I’m starting to notice the ‘warning signs’. I know it’s a bad day when I check my phone and fall into the comparison game that my instagram photo didn’t get as much attention as so and so. Or if I didn’t get any comments in this blog, or if I haven’t received as many likes on Facebook. It is all about the numbers.

So I’ve started to have arguments with myself. Call me crazy, but for me it bloody works. Whenever my brain tells me something stupid like, ‘oh, your post only has three comments’ I respond by thinking, ‘yes, but my blog post has three comments from three people who took the time out of their day to make a comment, and that’s amazing‘. Combating the bad thoughts about my body was actually easier than ones revolving around social media, and most of the time it’s almost natural to respond with something good about myself.

What is your relationship with yourself like? How do you overcome your gloomy days?

Love,
Lizzie xx

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Lizzie is a gyaru blogger based in the land of Harry Potter and afternoon tea. You can find her either snacking or napping.

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32 Comments

  1. Isobel
    January 12, 2019 / 1:09 pm

    Lizzie you always look amazing with your unique style, amazing legs and beautiful eyes! I too have these days, mainly near my period, but it’s where I like to be on my own and try and be productive with my bad moods and do things that make me relax, like reading a book, have a bath, blog or Even go to the gym! As the gym makes me so much happier! Love this post girl!

    Isobel x

    New post: http://fashionistachic14.blogspot.com/2019/01/fashion-how-to-style-tartan-with-french.html?m=1
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    • January 12, 2019 / 1:59 pm

      Awh Isobel, you’re so kind! <3 Gosh yes my mood tends to dip around my period as well... It's awful, isn't it? I love how you manage to handle it though! Perhaps I need to pick up another book so that I'm ready for next time <3 Thank you so much!

  2. January 12, 2019 / 3:51 pm

    You are always enough gorgeous, you’re amazing xxx

  3. January 12, 2019 / 5:14 pm

    Before I forget – I absolutely love your boots!

    I hear exactly where you’re coming from here. Sometimes it really does feel like that no matter how hard you work, there’s always more to do and it’s never quite enough to get you where you want to go. I’ve been dealing with that myself recently and it’s annoying me. I’m loving the idea of having an argument with yourself though – I’m definitely going to try that. Great post – and here’s hoping for more good days than bad!

    • January 12, 2019 / 8:49 pm

      Awh thank you! I wear them so much tehe.
      Gosh yes that’s exactly how I’m feeling and it’s quiet exhausting, isn’t it? And thank you so much Lindsey!

  4. January 12, 2019 / 9:46 pm

    You’re Literally the hardest working person I know! You never give up on anything and you’re definitely a striver! Even on your bad days you are beautiful! Keep rocking on bbygirl! You’re amazing!

    • January 13, 2019 / 8:58 am

      Amy, you always seem to know what to say to make me feel so much better <3 thank you <3 ilu

  5. January 12, 2019 / 10:13 pm

    I really like the idea of arguing with yourself. I do that when I’m having an anxiety attack but find sometimes that makes things worse and its better to just say “you’ve felt like this before, it will pass”. Its good that you are noticing your triggers. By the way you look amazing!

    Take care,
    Hayley x | educatinghayley.com

    • January 13, 2019 / 8:59 am

      Awh well it does work from time to time to remind ourselves to be grateful for what we have or to remind us that bad things will pass! Thank you so much!

  6. January 13, 2019 / 9:29 am

    I could definitely relate to playing the comparison game. Some days, I find social media so disheartening. It’s only when I start comparing numbers that I get really down. It’s definitely not fair on myself to do that sort of thing. Everyone is on their own paths and going at their own pace. We’ll all get where we need to be eventually. Thanks so much for sharing!

    • January 13, 2019 / 11:05 am

      I feel like social media is the bulk of people’s problems nowadays when it comes to happiness, especially because it’s now just so easy to compare our lives to others. The most important thing is to be grateful for what you have!

  7. January 13, 2019 / 10:39 am

    It’s amazing that you’ve switched your negative thoughts into positive ones! I totally feel this post on SO many levels. I definitely have those days where I wake up and am SO motivated and feel like I could achieve anything. But I’ve always had a HUGE problem with self esteem in terms of the way I look and when I have a bad self-esteem day… My GOD. It’s awful. I can stand there picking myself apart in the mirror for hours. Sometimes I stand there and list everything I hate about myself and obviously it rolls over into non-physical things too, like I’m a failure, I’m useless, have no talents etc. The relationships with ourselves are SO difficult. I understand all this self love stuff but when these issues are so deep, sometimes just positive thinking isn’t useful. Sorry for the essay! Amazing post gorgeous xxx

    • January 13, 2019 / 11:07 am

      Don’t be sorry at all – I love essay replies because it means that you have truly read and connected with my blog post, which makes me super happy!
      It’s crazy because to me, you are super successful and not a failure at all! I really admire how you’ve changed something you’re really passionate about into a full-time career! Thank you so so much xxx

  8. January 13, 2019 / 4:53 pm

    Firstly, you look absolutely gorgeous Lizzie, you have the cutest style, I love it! Secondly, I can relate to this post so much. I have days where I feel super motivated and other days I struggle, feel bad and compare myself to others. I like the idea of having an argument with yourself to challenge our negative thinking with a rational thought. That is really positive! I think we are our own harshest critics and often we are doing our best and doing just fine. Thank you for sharing your thoughts lovely, really enjoyed reading this post <3 xx

    Bexa | http://www.hellobexa.com

    • January 13, 2019 / 8:58 pm

      Awh thank you so much, Bexa! Gosh yes I totally agree with you on the fact we’re our own worst critics – if I hear someone speak to another the way I speak to myself, I would slap them… So I need to stop doing that! Thank you so much for reading xx

  9. January 13, 2019 / 9:36 pm

    Oh Lizzie you’re such a beautiful person inside and out! 🙂 I can relate to this post so damn much though! It sucks when you have those hate days where you don’t want to do anything but feel sorry for yourself. Those days do suck. 🙁

    https://theremightbecoffee.wordpress.com/

    • January 14, 2019 / 7:18 am

      They really do but I hope that there will be less bad days for the both of us this year!

  10. January 13, 2019 / 10:18 pm

    What a fab outfit! Love everything about it, and your positivity! I think I can be too hard on myself, but I really try to remind myself how far I’ve come in the past few years

    • January 14, 2019 / 7:19 am

      Awh thank you so much, Lex! And I love that idea of looking back over your development, it’s very grounding

  11. Kayleigh Zara
    January 13, 2019 / 11:52 pm

    Lizzie! I fully understand this relationship I’m pretty much the same with how I feel about myself, I think it’s that thing where maybe we don’t appreciate how great we are but other people do? I also have to say I bloody love your style it’s so pretty and quirky and you always look amazing x

    Kayleigh Zara 💀🥀Www.kayelghzara.com

    • January 14, 2019 / 8:25 am

      Yes exactly – we are our own worst critics! Which is why I love being a blogger because writing it out down and getting it out into the open allows me to connect with other people with the possibilty that they feel the same. And thank you so much!

  12. January 14, 2019 / 3:10 am

    I symphatized with your feelings. I can relate some to my own. Thanks for sharing them.

    But anyway, this is my opinion & advice, if you focus less on yourself & involve yourself in work to help needy people, when you have bad days or feeling down, you can remember those less fortunate people you have met or have helped & you will start feeling better as you thanking God for everything you have & you are grateful for those things.
    A thankful heart is the best medicine to black moods.

    • January 14, 2019 / 8:27 am

      Thank you so much for your comment! You are so right – I’ve already made my first step by slowly starting to clear my wardrobe of clothes that I don’t wear anymore, because I know that someone out there will benefit more from them.

  13. January 14, 2019 / 11:30 am

    I totally get how you feel. I can go from feeling really good and happy to not wanting to leave my bed and feeling absolutely miserable. It’s definitely a common feeling, and I guess it’s all about managing it. Like you mentioned, knowing the signs, maybe something triggers it, and if you find out that there is just one thing that constantly triggers your bad moods then that’s when you know you need to change something about it! Great post 🙂

    Chloe xx
    http://www.chloechats.com

    • January 14, 2019 / 6:28 pm

      Awh thank you so much, chloe! But yes figuring out your trigger points does help a lot. I’ve noticed that the weather often doesn’t help me either which is why I feel so motivated in the summer and the complete opposite in winter!

  14. January 14, 2019 / 1:51 pm

    You always look incredible like you do in these pictures. I love your style and can’t wait to see all your outfit shoots you have planned for 2019!

    • January 14, 2019 / 6:45 pm

      Awh thank you so much! I really can’t wait to do more – I’m so excited!

  15. January 14, 2019 / 2:15 pm

    I relate to this post so much! I also struggle with low esteem and have a love/hate relationship with myself.

    • January 14, 2019 / 6:47 pm

      It really sucks doesn’t it? I hope we practise more self care this year to help us out of this rut!

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