I’m Finally Comfortable With My Gyaru Style + It Feels Amazing

I’ve always wanted to be no.1; when I first joined gyaru I wanted to be the best gaijin gyaru in the U.K., and a few years later it changed to wanting to be the best agejo in the world. My aims were pretty high so I bought as many MA*RS items that my greedy hands could get a hold of, and for a time I believed that I was the best and that I was happy. I tried hard – perhaps too hard – and I called it the golden age of my gyaru life.

That golden age lasted a year, maybe two, before I started my downward spiral. Agejo began to slip away from my fingers and I felt my identity lose its grip. I didn’t know who I was anymore and I began to doubt myself. I loved agejo, so why wasn’t it making me happy anymore? I worked so hard to be the best but it just took the joy out of gyaru and made it into a competition. In the end I was left disappointed and dissatisfied.

Pic from Mily

The next few years after that I began to battle new feelings: that I was starting to get boring and was no longer good enough for the gyaru community. So I shut myself off and threw everything into this blog. Those MA*RS clothes that I had spent so much on didn’t really see the light of day as I began to try new styles without really knowing what I was doing. My emotional levels were on a rollercoaster ride and I had absolutely no control over it.

All because of the idea that if I wasn’t the best, then I was nothing.

Me & my gals from QueenE!

I got better, though, so there is a happy ending to this story.

I started to care less and just wore the clothes I wanted to wear depending on how I felt that day. Instead of looking at photos of other gaijin gyaru and thinking, “eurgh she’s stealing my thunder”, I think “oh my gosh she looks so radiant and confident in her gyaru style!” My attitude changed slowly but surely, and I started to feel comfortable about my own style.

But what has this got to do with the gyaru party? Why are there photos of it when I’m talking about a completely random topic?

QueenE gyarusa! Yes, I have returned as co-leader!

Well, when I look back at my first international gyaru meet experience I remember having a panic attack in the hotel room right before the meet. I was so nervous and felt like I needed to look my best to be valued in the gyaru community, and all of the pressure that I put on myself was way too much. I’m sad to admit that I was more worried about how I looked than looking forward to meeting new people.

But fast forward to 3 years later I found myself stumbling off the plane in Paris with makeup that I had managed to do in little pockets of time that I had at the airport, and my hair in two overnight buns. I didn’t stress at all about how I looked – I was just eager to meet all of my friends! I was so much more comfortable in my style and I didn’t feel the need to try too hard to impress other people because I just wanted to have a good time. Photos were important, of course, but as long as I looked good and happy then I don’t care. I had an absolutely amazing time reconnecting with my international friends that it made me wish that I could pause at this happy moment and that I wasn’t so tired at the end of the day.

And that feeling beats being “the best” in anything.

pic from Akipoyo gyarusa

Have you ever felt like this about your style? That you have to be over-the-top or ‘the best’ in order to be noticed? How did you overcome it?

Love,
Lizzie xx

P.S Big shoutout to Ethan & Noemie of Gyaransu gal unit for organising such an amazing event!