My Love/Hate Relationship with Myself

Some days my relationship with myself is a good one. Sometimes I love how my eyes aren’t quite that shade of blue but neither are they green; that my legs look as if they are never-ending; and that my ability to pull the most stupid faces brings a smile to my husband’s face (or maybe it’s a oh-god-she’s-doing-it-again-grimace).

On embracing your dark and light by hellolizziebee

I also love how ambitious I am, and how I can roll out of bed with fire in my veins to get things done. That I can tick off at least 3 things before my husband wakes up (because yay for productive weekends!). How I want to be the best version of myself and work damn hard to get there. That when I have an idea, I never settle, I just want to get it done right away.

Those days are the best days because the world seems like a brighter place. I have a spring in my step and that feeling that I could conquer the world, false lashes an’ all.

gyaru blogger lizzie bee

sweater: ralph lauren / skirt & boots: boohoo / belt: ma*rs / jewellery: muse

wandering old streets by hellolizziebee

But other days my relationship with myself isn’t a good one. Sometimes I’d wake up, slowly, and I already want the day to end. I’d fall down the dark hole of being exhausted by how hard I work and thinking that nothing comes out of it anyway, so what’s the point? That I’m forever trying to do my best but I will never be good enough. Those were the days where I hated my body and wanted to hide myself in my baggy pjs and never leave the comfort of my bed. My stupid eyes, my stupid facial expressions, and my stupid long legs that find trouble fitting into my jeans.

My day would be spent with my eyes glued to the phone, where my happiness is determined by numbers, which only ends in sadness.

Those days aren’t so great and the world seems like a darker place. I drag my feet with such effort that I question why I even left my bed.

wandering around town on a cold autumn day zebra print skirt and outfit details by hellolizziebee zebra print autumn outfit by hellolizziebee

Fortunately, I don’t get many of those bad days. Sure, they’ve been happening a lot more recently, but I’m starting to notice the ‘warning signs’. I know it’s a bad day when I check my phone and fall into the comparison game that my instagram photo didn’t get as much attention as so and so. Or if I didn’t get any comments in this blog, or if I haven’t received as many likes on Facebook. It is all about the numbers.

So I’ve started to have arguments with myself. Call me crazy, but for me it bloody works. Whenever my brain tells me something stupid like, ‘oh, your post only has three comments’ I respond by thinking, ‘yes, but my blog post has three comments from three people who took the time out of their day to make a comment, and that’s amazing‘. Combating the bad thoughts about my body was actually easier than ones revolving around social media, and most of the time it’s almost natural to respond with something good about myself.

What is your relationship with yourself like? How do you overcome your gloomy days?

Love,
Lizzie xx

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53 Comments
  • Isobel
    January 12, 2019

    Lizzie you always look amazing with your unique style, amazing legs and beautiful eyes! I too have these days, mainly near my period, but it’s where I like to be on my own and try and be productive with my bad moods and do things that make me relax, like reading a book, have a bath, blog or Even go to the gym! As the gym makes me so much happier! Love this post girl!

    Isobel x

    New post: http://fashionistachic14.blogspot.com/2019/01/fashion-how-to-style-tartan-with-french.html?m=1
    Insta: https://www.instagram.com/isobelceline/
    New video: https://youtu.be/MEUHhWjJ7Q8

    • hellolizziebee
      January 12, 2019

      Awh Isobel, you’re so kind! <3 Gosh yes my mood tends to dip around my period as well... It's awful, isn't it? I love how you manage to handle it though! Perhaps I need to pick up another book so that I'm ready for next time <3 Thank you so much!

  • Tarnya
    January 12, 2019

    You are always enough gorgeous, you’re amazing xxx

  • Lindsey
    January 12, 2019

    Before I forget – I absolutely love your boots!

    I hear exactly where you’re coming from here. Sometimes it really does feel like that no matter how hard you work, there’s always more to do and it’s never quite enough to get you where you want to go. I’ve been dealing with that myself recently and it’s annoying me. I’m loving the idea of having an argument with yourself though – I’m definitely going to try that. Great post – and here’s hoping for more good days than bad!

    • hellolizziebee
      January 12, 2019

      Awh thank you! I wear them so much tehe.
      Gosh yes that’s exactly how I’m feeling and it’s quiet exhausting, isn’t it? And thank you so much Lindsey!

  • Amy
    January 12, 2019

    You’re Literally the hardest working person I know! You never give up on anything and you’re definitely a striver! Even on your bad days you are beautiful! Keep rocking on bbygirl! You’re amazing!

    • hellolizziebee
      January 13, 2019

      Amy, you always seem to know what to say to make me feel so much better <3 thank you <3 ilu

  • Hayley
    January 12, 2019

    I really like the idea of arguing with yourself. I do that when I’m having an anxiety attack but find sometimes that makes things worse and its better to just say “you’ve felt like this before, it will pass”. Its good that you are noticing your triggers. By the way you look amazing!

    Take care,
    Hayley x | educatinghayley.com

    • hellolizziebee
      January 13, 2019

      Awh well it does work from time to time to remind ourselves to be grateful for what we have or to remind us that bad things will pass! Thank you so much!

  • Annie
    January 13, 2019

    I could definitely relate to playing the comparison game. Some days, I find social media so disheartening. It’s only when I start comparing numbers that I get really down. It’s definitely not fair on myself to do that sort of thing. Everyone is on their own paths and going at their own pace. We’ll all get where we need to be eventually. Thanks so much for sharing!

    • hellolizziebee
      January 13, 2019

      I feel like social media is the bulk of people’s problems nowadays when it comes to happiness, especially because it’s now just so easy to compare our lives to others. The most important thing is to be grateful for what you have!

  • Jenny in Neverland
    January 13, 2019

    It’s amazing that you’ve switched your negative thoughts into positive ones! I totally feel this post on SO many levels. I definitely have those days where I wake up and am SO motivated and feel like I could achieve anything. But I’ve always had a HUGE problem with self esteem in terms of the way I look and when I have a bad self-esteem day… My GOD. It’s awful. I can stand there picking myself apart in the mirror for hours. Sometimes I stand there and list everything I hate about myself and obviously it rolls over into non-physical things too, like I’m a failure, I’m useless, have no talents etc. The relationships with ourselves are SO difficult. I understand all this self love stuff but when these issues are so deep, sometimes just positive thinking isn’t useful. Sorry for the essay! Amazing post gorgeous xxx

    • hellolizziebee
      January 13, 2019

      Don’t be sorry at all – I love essay replies because it means that you have truly read and connected with my blog post, which makes me super happy!
      It’s crazy because to me, you are super successful and not a failure at all! I really admire how you’ve changed something you’re really passionate about into a full-time career! Thank you so so much xxx

  • Bexa
    January 13, 2019

    Firstly, you look absolutely gorgeous Lizzie, you have the cutest style, I love it! Secondly, I can relate to this post so much. I have days where I feel super motivated and other days I struggle, feel bad and compare myself to others. I like the idea of having an argument with yourself to challenge our negative thinking with a rational thought. That is really positive! I think we are our own harshest critics and often we are doing our best and doing just fine. Thank you for sharing your thoughts lovely, really enjoyed reading this post <3 xx

    Bexa | http://www.hellobexa.com

    • hellolizziebee
      January 13, 2019

      Awh thank you so much, Bexa! Gosh yes I totally agree with you on the fact we’re our own worst critics – if I hear someone speak to another the way I speak to myself, I would slap them… So I need to stop doing that! Thank you so much for reading xx

  • Alisha Valerie
    January 13, 2019

    Great positive blog post darling and your pictures are beautiful. ??

    With love, Alisha Valerie x | http://www.alishavalerie.com

  • Nat
    January 13, 2019

    Oh Lizzie you’re such a beautiful person inside and out! ? I can relate to this post so damn much though! It sucks when you have those hate days where you don’t want to do anything but feel sorry for yourself. Those days do suck. ?

    https://theremightbecoffee.wordpress.com/

    • hellolizziebee
      January 14, 2019

      They really do but I hope that there will be less bad days for the both of us this year!

  • Lex
    January 13, 2019

    What a fab outfit! Love everything about it, and your positivity! I think I can be too hard on myself, but I really try to remind myself how far I’ve come in the past few years

    • hellolizziebee
      January 14, 2019

      Awh thank you so much, Lex! And I love that idea of looking back over your development, it’s very grounding

  • Kayleigh Zara
    January 13, 2019

    Lizzie! I fully understand this relationship I’m pretty much the same with how I feel about myself, I think it’s that thing where maybe we don’t appreciate how great we are but other people do? I also have to say I bloody love your style it’s so pretty and quirky and you always look amazing x

    Kayleigh Zara ??Www.kayelghzara.com

    • hellolizziebee
      January 14, 2019

      Yes exactly – we are our own worst critics! Which is why I love being a blogger because writing it out down and getting it out into the open allows me to connect with other people with the possibilty that they feel the same. And thank you so much!

  • Keke
    January 14, 2019

    I symphatized with your feelings. I can relate some to my own. Thanks for sharing them.

    But anyway, this is my opinion & advice, if you focus less on yourself & involve yourself in work to help needy people, when you have bad days or feeling down, you can remember those less fortunate people you have met or have helped & you will start feeling better as you thanking God for everything you have & you are grateful for those things.
    A thankful heart is the best medicine to black moods.

    • hellolizziebee
      January 14, 2019

      Thank you so much for your comment! You are so right – I’ve already made my first step by slowly starting to clear my wardrobe of clothes that I don’t wear anymore, because I know that someone out there will benefit more from them.

  • Chloe Chats
    January 14, 2019

    I totally get how you feel. I can go from feeling really good and happy to not wanting to leave my bed and feeling absolutely miserable. It’s definitely a common feeling, and I guess it’s all about managing it. Like you mentioned, knowing the signs, maybe something triggers it, and if you find out that there is just one thing that constantly triggers your bad moods then that’s when you know you need to change something about it! Great post ?

    Chloe xx
    http://www.chloechats.com

    • hellolizziebee
      January 14, 2019

      Awh thank you so much, chloe! But yes figuring out your trigger points does help a lot. I’ve noticed that the weather often doesn’t help me either which is why I feel so motivated in the summer and the complete opposite in winter!

  • Emily
    January 14, 2019

    You always look incredible like you do in these pictures. I love your style and can’t wait to see all your outfit shoots you have planned for 2019!

    • hellolizziebee
      January 14, 2019

      Awh thank you so much! I really can’t wait to do more – I’m so excited!

  • Zamaie Chinye
    January 14, 2019

    I relate to this post so much! I also struggle with low esteem and have a love/hate relationship with myself.

    • hellolizziebee
      January 14, 2019

      It really sucks doesn’t it? I hope we practise more self care this year to help us out of this rut!

  • Taylor
    January 14, 2019

    I honestly get this so much!! Sometimes I have to really battle myself to get out of bed in the mornings, but I’m learning that sometimes getting out if bed is the biggest victory of all, and that okay! I use to really stress myself out about being the best at everything, or knowing everything I could about something or having everything so perfectly organised. But I’ve realised that sometimes it’s okay that the only thing you succeed in doing today is getting dressed, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed, or that you’re not doing as well as you did yesterday. I tell myself that I saw it as a challenge, and I still conquered it!!

    • hellolizziebee
      January 17, 2019

      Yes exactly! The smallest things can really change your day!

  • James
    January 14, 2019

    Wow – what an honest blog. Everyone has these days and it’s great you recognise the warning signs. I have a pretty good relationship with myself but it took major surgery and therapy to get there x

    • hellolizziebee
      January 17, 2019

      Thank you so much! And I’m so glad – I hope to be at that stage one day!

  • Alice
    January 14, 2019

    I can literally relate to this so much, I’ve been having a lot more of the bad days you mentioned recently unfortunately. But it’s true, it’s good to try and focus on the positives of the day rather than moping around. There are plenty of good days still to come. Also, LOVE your hair like this x

    Alice // http://www.accordingtoalicex.com

    • hellolizziebee
      January 17, 2019

      Oh Alice, I’m so sorry to hear that! I hope you’ll feel better soon but take breaks if you need it and go easy on yourself. And thank you so much! X

  • Evie Braithwaite
    January 15, 2019

    Oh you’re not alone when it comes to arguing with yourself haha. I hate how negative I can be sometimes, so I’m constantly reminding myself to stay optimistic. Loved this post, we need to practice more self-love! x

    Evie x | https://eviejayne.co.uk

  • Michelle Blackadar
    January 18, 2019

    I love this post so much, I have the same type of relationship with myself. some days i wall around and think so highly of myself and then other days i beat myself up over not having it all figured out (literally no one has it all figured out) when this gloomy days do come, I usually allow myself to have a gloomy day but I make sure to remind myself that tomorrow is a new day and just because today was gloomy doesn’t mean everyday will be. such a wonderfully written post that so many of us can relate too. xxx

    mich / simplymich.com

    • hellolizziebee
      January 19, 2019

      Awh thank you so much! And I love the idea of allowing yourself to have the gloomy day rather than pushing it away xxx

  • Aaliyah
    January 18, 2019

    This was a really lovely post to read and I think we all have a love hate relationship with ourselves, I definitely do. Recently I’ve been loving myself a lot but I have my days, I can be pretty snappy which I hate!! Xx

    • hellolizziebee
      January 19, 2019

      I’m so glad that you’ve been doing a lot of self-love lately! 2019 has also started off good for me, so I hope this feeling lasts! Gosh I get snappy too sometimes when I’m hungry/angry/hangry! xx

  • Johnny
    January 18, 2019

    I’m the same as well Lizzie! When I’m having those gloomy, troubled moments I normally try and do something that I enjoy the most to take my mind off those moments. If I break out into a good laugh or stop thinking then I know it’s working. I’ll do certain things and be around certain people and they’ll bring out the best of me and feel on top of the world. But then they’ll be other days where things happen and they show my weaknesses then I’ll beat myself up about it and start going into a negative train of thought.

    I guess these complex emotions and feelings are what makes us human. We’re not all perfect and we all have strengths and weaknesses. It’s important we embrace our imperfections and realise what triggers them to show up so we can best avoid them or find ways to tackle them.

    This was

    • hellolizziebee
      January 19, 2019

      Yes I totally agree with you – each emotion we feel is what makes us human!

  • Alex
    January 20, 2019

    The last few years were a difficult struggle. I’ve never suffered from depression but I had a depressive episode 2016 because of all the things that happened. I really can’t blame myself for that because the circumstances made it impossible. You know, if everything keeps telling you how ugly your personality is, how ugly your work is, etc. you will eventually believe it and ask yourself “Is it me?” And I started to question myself about the issue if I’m good enough.
    How did I overcome this?
    I did a therapy that really helped to ask other questions: “Do I have to question myself?”, “Do I have to be like x?” etc. The behaviour changed and thanks to my family and my friends and my partner it was clear that it isn’t my fault at all. I just got into the wrong group of people for years and therefore put myself in the victim-role. (That was my fault though).
    Then, 1/2 year ago I got the magical “I can do it all”-feeling and suddenly it didn’t bothered me to get into quarrels with my boss anymore. I didn’t even bother me that I got fired. I made the best out of it and took the chance.
    Because things that go wrong are chances in the end.
    It’s funny how our environment can influence us in our behaviour and thinking. So we should not question ourselves whether we’re good or bad but WHY we keep question us.

    Of course there are still some bad days and times I’m angry about myself but I’m mostly okay with it.
    As you said, there are warning signs. You have to learn to understand them.
    Not only about bad days but also about body signs you should take care of.
    I guess, it’s normal that we can’t like ourselves all the time. But in the end we are the one who has to bear oneself from birth to death. We should be our own friend. And yes, even friends quarrel. That’s life.

    • hellolizziebee
      January 20, 2019

      Thank you so much for your in-depth comment! I love comments like these because I love learning more about other people.
      I absolutely love your positive outlet, and I’m so happy to read that you ditched your old friends because they clearly weren’t good for you! I love the idea of being our own friend and I’m going to adopt that from now on. I want 2019 to be the year that I am my own best friend!

  • Gemma
    January 27, 2019

    Great Post chick, people need to be more honest like you were in this post as it helps so much.

    My relationship with myself is a tricky one but I’m working on making it a positive one.

    Gemma
    http://Www.justgem.co.uk

  • Kieli
    January 29, 2019

    It’s just like you described. Some days are going to be so freaking awesome! But some days are just upsetting. But that’s okay. Because you know that the next time you wake up, you have the possibility it’s going to be the best day of your life. No matter what, you are you. Be proud of yourself and what you’ve accomplished. But it’s perfectly okay to have off days. ♥

    • hellolizziebee
      February 2, 2019

      Gosh yes I am LIVING for this reply right now! You are an inspiration <3

  • PaulaM
    September 29, 2019

    I love your vlogs! It’s ok to have a love hate relationship because it helps us improve. ?