You’re in Love With the Old Me

I was at the height of my gyaru days in 2014; I finally discovered the style that suited me, agejo (which is one of the more sexier substyles) and I wore it nearly every day. I even rocked up to university in it, and got plenty of raised eyebrows from my colleagues and professors. It became my signature style and I wore it for a few years after that until I started working and had to tone it down. I then began to wear other styles like onee, rokku and himekaji that I felt more comfortable in, and rarely picked my MA*RS items out of my wardrobe.

But even now I’ve had messages from people saying that they loved my agejo style, and I cannot help but feel a hint of sadness… Because they’re in love with the older version of myself. What does that mean for my present self? Is the Lizzie right now not good enough?

Rokku gyaru
Agejo gyaru, gaijin gyaru, ma*rs
Me back in 2014
2015 Me

(sidenote: if you’re a newbie here and not too sure about the substyles, here’s my blog post about them)

Sometimes I try to capture fragments of my past self by wearing my MA*RS items that I used to live in, but I can never quite match up to the memory that people compare me against. I feel like a fraud trying to compete with the image of that agejo gyaru who looked absolutely amazing in black and pink and over-the-top patterns. I tried, though; I tried so hard but I know that I will never be as good as I once was.

I watched the Lady Gaga documentary on Netflix a few months ago and I couldn’t help but draw similarities between us when it came to style and people’s expectations of them. She was known for her crazy one-off outfits, and I was known for my over-the-top agejo style. We’ve both grown since those days into something that we find more comfortable, but we are still known for our past selves. Others still miss the people we once were. But, granted, our older selves were quite inspiring because of how we ventured out into the world in our dramatic styles that didn’t quite suit “normal” society.

But nowadays I find myself more comfortable in numerous styles and no longer constrain myself to a particular one – it all depends on my mood. I happily dub myself a chameleon gyaru even though I know it’s hard to draw inspiration from that because I just change so much. I’ve become a jack of all trades, and master of none. But I’m happy.

I’m not writing this to make you feel bad. If you find my older self inspiring, then don’t let this post hold you back from drawing inspiration from it. Hell, I find my agejo days inspiring because, even though I cannot go back, I can’t help but miss those days. This is probably a mindset change that I adopt to stop myself from moping around.

Do you ever get this feeling?

Love,
Lizzie xx

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15 Comments
  • Hels
    October 6, 2019

    I do find myself missing certain aspects of how my life used to be, though less related to fashion. It’s lovely that you can still pull out clothes from days gone by and wear those to still get a sense of how you used to feel
    Hels xxx

    • hellolizziebee
      October 6, 2019

      Yes I know how you feel! But I think the main thing is to not let ourselves get stuck in the past otherwise we’d never grow <3

      • PaulaM
        October 11, 2019

        I agree, growth is so important. I love how we can express with any gyaru styles.

    • Sarah Nobbs
      October 11, 2019

      I’m actually having the opposite problem, my style is still exactly the same as it was 4/5 years ago. Even though I’m very passionate about rokku, and I’ve worked to improve my hair and makeup to make this style the best it can be… I see everyone evolving and growing and it gives me a hint of sadness, like I’m being left behind.

  • Amie Cadwallader
    October 6, 2019

    I’ve definitely been thinking that I miss certain things about the way my life used to be, but at the end of the day, as long as I am happy that is literally all that matters!

    Love, Amie ❤
    The Curvaceous Vegan

  • Freja
    October 6, 2019

    I’m not gyaru, just an admirer, but I can still relate a lot to what you’re saying here! I used to have quite a popular vintage blog but I lost interest as my style evolved and I have a completely different style now, but I still get people telling me they miss the old me. I know they mean well, but it can get quite frustrating as I think there’s often a lot of personal growth behind the scenes when someone’s style changes and it can feel dismissive of that, plus its really suffocating to feel stuck in a box.
    I didn’t follow you back in your agejo days, but I love your style now and how authentic your blog feels ♥

    • hellolizziebee
      October 6, 2019

      Oh my gosh yes I can so relate to this. I feel like the more people say it, the more guilty feel, and then it forces me to do it for old times sake and it’s so frustrating! Thank you so much for your support Freja <3

  • Sophie Wentworth
    October 6, 2019

    Well, I think you look great in all styles, but it’s totally normal for your style to evolve as times change. I think we all have those times that we look back on and can’t help but compare to. But as long as you’re happy with how things are now, that’s all that matters! x

    Sophie
    http://www.glowsteady.co.uk

  • Michelle
    October 6, 2019

    The best style for you is the one that you feel the most comfortable in. I personally miss experimenting with different types of style like when I was younger. Maybe, one day when I’m comfortable in my own skin I can slowly start trying out different styles again. ♥

    http://www.mooeyandfriends.com

    • hellolizziebee
      October 7, 2019

      You are so right! I’d hate to wear clothes that I’m no longer comfortable in which is why I ditched my otk lacey socks and opted for something a lil’ bit more cosy. I can’t wait to see what you do if you do decide to try out different styles!

  • Michelle Chai
    October 6, 2019

    Loved reading this, Lizzie!

    Although I’m obviously not gyaru, I really resonated with this. I often feel like I peaked, blog wise, back in 2012 when I was gaining thousands of page views a day and was nominated for Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire Blog Awards. I had the choice to take it full-time but decided to pursue becoming a writer in a more traditional sense, and seeing my peers at the time flourish now feels a bit strange, given I’m tiny on Instagram and would never be counted amongst those girls now. But you make such a good point when you say we all grow and develop to be different versions of ourselves.

    Michelle x

    • hellolizziebee
      October 7, 2019

      Gosh yeah I totally get how you feel in that instance! But you must know that you are a terrific writer and I adore your blog and I’m sure many others will agree, too <3

  • Charlotte
    October 13, 2019

    I’ve had people tell me I’ve changed in the past few years, which makes me feel as though it’s wrong, when really I know I’ve changed for the better! Our personalities and styles are forever changing which I think is a great thing and should be celebrated! x