Proud to be Me

proud to be me, mixed race, blogger

The first time I remember experiencing racism was when I was in primary school and my friends were tugging back their eyelids and saying look! They’re now “Chinese“. I didn’t understand at the time and just laughed along. Because they were my friends, they knew I was half Chinese, so they wouldn’t be racist, right?

To give you a bit of a background, my secondary school was 85% white (back then – my hometown is a lot more diverse now). I was fine in my first few years of it but one day a guy dropped the ultimate bad word, “Ch*nk“. I knew it was a bad word because everyone around me looked a bit uncomfortable and said nothing. And from then on he kept dropping it, and even in Science class he said how he wished all Chinese people to be jetted off to Mars because you know, “they’re all bad people because they’re causing so much pollution [sic]“.

And so began my journey to hating that part of my identity and wanting to bury it forever. Wanting to be like my friends and abandon my Chinese side. Anything so that those awful people would leave me alone.

onee gyaru, gyaru outfit, summer

Sunglasses: Accessorize

Jumpsuit: Primark

Accessories: F&F

Annoying white band: Courtesy of our hotel

gaijin gyaru

It took me years and years to accept who I am, and I found love in that part of myself through the internet. I was on Bebo one day when I realised that there was a group/page called “Proud 2 b A$ian (or something along those lines). There were photos and posts made by other asians speaking out their love for their culture so I joined that one, and then another. It sounds cheesy but the more I witnessed their love, the more I learnt that this part of myself can be loved. It was as if I had thrown off my mask and a great weight was lifted off my shoulders.

This simple act of seeing other people being happy with who they were on a social site completely changed who I was. I slowly grew back into that half of my identity, and began to delve deep into that side of my culture. Sixth Form was of more open-minded people; people had started to grow up, that guy didn’t make it to college, and I was happy. The building bricks of my identity was slowly forming a battlefront, and I was ready to call out whoever dared to be racist.

After years of subtle abuse, I was proud to be me.

funny outfit shot

onee gyaru, summer gyaru

So when I experienced casual racism at uni when my friend called me “China” in a somewhat malicious tone I didn’t hide away, I told her to go f*ck herself and turned my back on her. I don’t remember her apologising, but it worked. She never called me that again.

And when a stranger made fun of my Chinese family’s name at my friend’s party I called him a f*cking “James Blunt”. I didn’t need any support from my friends – they didn’t really help anyway – and I was ready to throw a punch at him if I wasn’t so lazy of a person (or a chicken). Fighting physically is definitely not my strong point, so I was satisfied in just doing it mentally and gave that dick the cold shoulder for the rest of the evening.

I will not allow anyone to make me feel ashamed of myself ever again. I will not let them reduce me into believing that a part of myself is strange, “exotic“, even “alien“.

If you have ever experienced racism in your life then I’m so, so sorry. It’s something that no one should go through. Be proud of your own culture, talk about it as much as you want, and don’t let anyone get you down.

Be proud of who you are.

Love,
Lizzie xx

What do you think?

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14 Comments
  • Elodie Joriot
    April 12, 2019

    Hi Lizzy!
    My son is mixed too and Im Always scared about racism he could meet in his life, I know he will and I know it will hurt him and me. Even me, I met racism to be his mom and for having make him with an African. I can’t believe people are still stupid to be racist in 2018 when every of us live together since centuries and know that we are biologically the same! 😡😡 Also, I dream to be half Asian myself, I think mixed people are definitely prettier, Nature loves mixtures!
    I think those people who are proud to make joke about your orgins or my son’s origins and then tell us but you, it’s different… are definitely not our friends!! It’s a real treasure to have mixed origins it gives you a lot! It’s something you are right to be proud and to cherish !! 💕💖 I hate every way to be intolerant! It would be so boring if we would all be the same!! 😅🌈🌈✨❤️

  • Tarnya Smith
    April 12, 2019

    Proud of you gorgeous.
    Tarnya xxxx

  • Narhee
    April 12, 2019

    First of all, love the dress! Also, I definitely feel your pain because I live in a predominantly white neighborhood (~90%) and went to school with a lot of caucasians and always felt like I didn’t fit in. It’s a lot better now that I’m at a diverse university but I am also a lot prouder of my background too! Glad to hear that you are also proud to be you!

    Narhee | Made in Mauve

  • Dorota Candle
    April 12, 2019

    It’s really awesome you stood up for yourself. I think it’s very difficult to replenish racism (it always comes back, just in a different form) but we should never accept such behaviour and always react. You did a good job reacting to all of the bullying.
    Dorota
    http://www.fetchcandle.wordpress.com

    • LizzieBee
      April 12, 2019

      Thank you! Tbh I am used to standing up for myself because I didn’t really get much support in the past… which needs to change. And yes, I agree! We can not tolerate intolerant behaviour…

  • Shân Ellis
    April 12, 2019

    I’m welsh Lebanese and was always called a dirty Arab at school. It’s a horrible time that effects the rest of your life if you let it. We should all be proud of what we are and our heritidge ❤️

  • Frertsu Sikumi
    April 12, 2019

    Omg, never knew that you are half Chinese! Great to know more about you!
    I also faced racism and what really surprises me is that it happened in Russia. I’m 100% Russian (though some people for some reason ask me if either of my parents is Asian) but once I came across this group of assholes who told me to that “Russia is for Russians” I should “go back to f*cking Asia where I belong”. Never met anybody more stupid in my life.
    Really liked reading your post! You are truly beautiful not only outside but inside also and definitely can be proud to be yourself!💕

  • Elegant Duchess Fashion
    April 12, 2019

    OMG Lizzie it’s truly shocking. I have zero tolerance for any form of racism. Unacceptable and even more now with people being so much more mobile whether travelling or moving countries. No one should feel ashamed of their heritage. People can be so horrible!
    On a more positive note, you look gorgeous, fantastic eye lashes 💖💞😘

    http://www.elegantduchess.com

  • Great to know things about you! Racism is everywhere and it is really horrible! You look amazing with your floral outfit, btw.

    StyleSprinter Blog by Katya Bychkova

  • Bexa
    April 12, 2019

    Lizzie you are absolutely stunning and the dress is gorgeous! I’m shocked that people would be so nasty and racist towards you but I’m glad you put them in their place, go girl! <3

    Bexa | http://www.hellobexa.com

  • Elizabeth Seal
    April 12, 2019

    Aw this is so lovely, you are so beautiful Lizzie! I had no idea you were half Chinese and that’s super cool, I am so envious of those that have mixed heritage as it must be so interesting being a part of two cultures and so many different things to learn from each side of the family 😀 yes be you!! Because at the same time we are not just our culture, we are individuals and there is so much more to a person than their race or ancestry! xx

    elizabeth ♡ ”Ice Cream” whispers Clara

  • Felicia
    April 12, 2019

    Hey Lizzie!
    You are amazing, thats exactly how you should stand up for yourself and for your family!
    Like you said / wrote no one should go through this kind of thing just because of some people are jealous of who you are!

    Keep on being the Strong and Powerful You and keep on being inspiring! <3

  • Lily Chanel
    April 12, 2019

    Hi Lizzie,

    I felt the same thing when I was younger. I grew up in the little town in France and there were few Black people. I was victim of racism, I wanted to be White. But now I am proud of my difference and my culture.

  • Mary Lee
    April 12, 2019

    I’m Filipino and people in US (Houston) look down on me just because I have a light tan skin.
    Especially my Korean and Vietnamese friends ; – ;
    I can relate to this post so much.

    illustrious-mari.blogspot.com